My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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