yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
