the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
