I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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