He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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