cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.