Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
They have beer where we have blood.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
