I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I party with great urgency now.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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