erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
