I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Just invented taco cereal.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
