Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
