Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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