just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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