Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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