Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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