Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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