All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
