he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
