Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
