He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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