I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
