i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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