Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
