Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
