bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
