I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
