If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Randomize
