Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
