piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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