he told me I talked like a deaf person
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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