what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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