i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
