Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
