She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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