well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
