Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
operation harelip BJ is a go
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
