i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
