you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
