If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
