Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
