Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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