A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
