Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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