Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
