What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
