Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
