Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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