its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
