Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
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I love how my cats smell like pot.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
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Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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