you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
