dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
home. puking in laundry basket.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
