Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
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