If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
