Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Screwed.edu
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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