I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the day after is always just damage control
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
