dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
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Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
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My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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