I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
