Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
