Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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