even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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