I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
