You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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