Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
