Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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