fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
