I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize