I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
